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7 Places To Get Drunk and Lose Your Dignity: SF

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This little gem came from

This little gem came from

Whether you admit it or cower in shame, it’s happened to all of us. The one-too-many-moment, two steps away from worshipping the porcelain god, trying to drown your sorrows…whatever you may call it, being too drunk in front of people is both humiliating and hilarious to your audience of choice. Though many Broke-Asses choose to drink at home on the cheap, here is a list of the seven best places in SF to degrade yourself in public:

The Triangle [Marina] '” If you can actually muster up the cash to pay over $5 for a Bud just to hang out with a bunch of blonde, fake, scuzzy and rarely attractive individuals in the Marina, the question becomes, what you WON’T do to make a scene?  Seriously.  There are more douchebags within one block of this place then in the entire city combined on most nights. Whether you’re trying to to get up on some ass that you’re not-so-sure is natural or trying to kick the shit out of the chode in the Ralph Lauren polo shirt, be sure to make a scene.

Dolores Park [Mission] '” A classic place to lose everything, including your mind. We’re honestly thinking about writing a guide on Dolores Park etiquette, considering the influx of peeps over the last year. Just be sure before you take a hit off that bong and do your last keg stand that you still have your pants on.

Badlands [Castro] '” Every straight dude or lady knows the situation — your main gay is going out with all his buds and wants you to join in. You figure since there are no heteros within a mile of this place that you’re safe. I’ve seen the craziest dance laden, coke infested parties in this place, and you never know — you just might discover that batting for the same team might not be so bad after all.  Only Facebook knows the truth the next day.

This is what a night of 80 cent drinks leads to

Bar on Church [Castro] '” If $.80 drinks on Monday nights aren’t enough to make you lose your shit, there is no hope for you yet. ‘Nuff said.

The Brown Jug [Tenderloin] '”When you order a Manhattan and the bartender says, “We don’t do that kind of fancy shit…we’re more of a beer and shot kind of place…”, you know you’re down for cheap drinks and a life changing conversation with ol’ Fred. Or Bob. Or…whatever the fuck his name is, he better listen!

Rented Trolleys '”Now don’t get me wrong. I’ve definitely flipped off more of these things than I can count, but you have to admit — if you were on a rented, cheesy cable car, wouldn’t you get wasted and yell at people on the street too? Yeah, thought so. Still, its not as awesome as the party bus that’s going to definitely rock the Broke-Ass pub crawl this year! [Stay tuned for all the details!]

The Mint aka The Work Party Gone Wrong [Castro] '”The next time your boss suggests a little karaoke for the company work party, adamantly suggest something else. The last thing you need to do is be sucking back Martini’s like its 1999 and doing horrible Prince impressions that no one will EVER forget.

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Monica Miller - The Intern

Monica Miller - The Intern

Ms. Miller was born in San Diego, CA to one lesbian mother and one
righteous, cheap father. Currently, she is enrolled at San Francisco
State University for a B.A. in Journalism and the approximate
completion date is around 2015. She has worked for many papers in the
Bay Area, including the Oakland Tribune and the San Mateo Country
Times and is currently the city editor at one of the most
underappreciated publications in SF, the Golden Gate [X]press. Though
she may find bargains aplenty, it only stems from the necessity of
never landing an actual job and working for hacks [like Stuart.] With
intelligence, style, poise, bite, and honesty, she will rip your heart
out; but not before writing some awesome, poignant shit. This year,
she is looking forward to bigger and better things such as: trying to
get paid for a gig, actually finding a date that isn't a loser or
fucking crazy, not calling her parents when hungover and bringing you
the best of the 7x7 everyday of the week. [By the way, I wasn't
kidding about the date thing; if you love food, booze and shoegaze,
get at me.]


  1. C
    July 21, 2009 at 10:14 am

    Oh god, I think I went to high school with the pink polo’d douchebags.

  2. Jennifer
    July 21, 2009 at 10:19 am

    No way! You’ve got to include Trad’r Sams in the Richmond. Those $5 long islands will have you on your ass in no time.

    • Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap
      July 21, 2009 at 10:26 am

      Trad’r Sam’s is a good one! We should start a list here for all the other ones that should be on here. Anyone else?

  3. larry
    July 21, 2009 at 10:29 am

    need to lose my shit? go to the castro… duly noted…

  4. Bonnie
    July 21, 2009 at 10:35 am

    I can’t wait for the Delores Park Etiquette Guide to come out! One question to be examined: How do you feel about peeing in the bushes when the line to shit shack bathroom is hovering around 45 minutes or more? I am a proponent of the au natural, as long as one is not exposing oneself and not bothering others. My girlfriends have mixed opinions on the subject.

  5. Bonnie
    July 21, 2009 at 10:40 am

    Oh, and you should add Martunis to the list. For straights, this is a particularly dangerous watering hole if you are the loud and offensive type after a few drinks. I am no longer welcome there, but they loved my mom.

  6. Henry
    July 21, 2009 at 11:12 am

    The Geary Club might be considered.

  7. July 21, 2009 at 2:01 pm

    The thing about Trader Sam’s (and you need to trust me here) is that you do not want to get caught by Russians throwing up on the steps of the Russian Orthodox Church.

    Re: The Brown Jug…I think they serve breakfast there. And by “breakfast” I mean the guy opens up at 6AM and no one bangs on the restroom door.

  8. MJ
    July 21, 2009 at 2:52 pm

    Definitely Tradr Sams.

  9. Stephen Torres - Threadbare-Fact Finder (Editor, San Francisco)
    July 21, 2009 at 3:52 pm

    I love this post. I believe the Midnight Sun is an honorable mention.

  10. July 21, 2009 at 4:05 pm

    I’d nominate anywhere that serves bottomless mimosas. Sunday afternoons after Lime are pure unadulterated shame.

    Also, Mum’s House of Shabu Shabu serves shabu shabu (i.e. not a lot of carbs) & unlimited beer+sake = Heretofore Unseen Levels of Hot Messery.

  11. Monica Miller - The Intern
    July 21, 2009 at 4:18 pm

    Bonnie — Popping a squat is never elegant, but when nature calls, there is no reason to be pretty about it.

    And I know all you people are mentioning Trad’r Sam’s…I happen to live about 4 blocks from there, and every time I go there, the bartenders are blasting really depressing love songs and the douches the Marina party it turns into on the weekend is fucking maddening…maybe I need to head back there sometime to try it out. But Scorpion Bowl…how I love myself a Scorpion Bowl.

    Stephen — WORD.

  12. […] OK. To be honest this post has nothing to do with Tokyo. Except perhaps in a comparative studies sort-a-way. Above is a photo from an absurdly fetishistic site called Brolores Park, featuring male “bromances” in the famed outdoor public space between the Mission and Castro. You might also check out 7 Places to Get Drunk and Lose Your Dignity. […]

  13. DirtySanchez
    July 21, 2009 at 8:46 pm

    Sam’s in Tiburon. Don’t think that because you’ve moved your party from the Marina to Tiburon that it’s spring break in Daytona and no one will see your antics. Trust me on this one.

    Pier 23 is another outdoor venue that collects a remarkably high dq (douche quotient) when the sun is shining and the overpriced margaritas are flowing.

    And while we’re at the outdoor theme, MoMo’s is a post-game blown save/blown chow just waiting to happen on most game days.

  14. Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap
    July 22, 2009 at 1:34 pm

    I actually just went to Sam’s for the first time on Sunday. I couldn’t agree with you more Senor Sanchez.

  15. bonnie
    July 29, 2009 at 4:41 am

    1st of all…WHAT THE EFF!! another bonnie??? wicked!!

    2nd…i won’t even go into how dipped in awesome trad’r sam’s is…it appears as though that’s been more than covered…
    i’m a little shocked that el rio’s $2 monday hasn’t been brought up…for years it’s been a staple in the lives of many a struggling drunkard…really? $2 drinks? on a monday? ON MISSION? bliss folks, pure bliss…