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7 Easiest Days To Get Laid In SF

Updated: Jan 17, 2017 16:05
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There are holidays and then there are SF sanctioned holidays. They get mentions in your planner and your iCal just like Christmas, and yes, you will be getting so drunk you’ll put Arthur to shame. No matter what the occasion, we like to do it big, plentiful and more awesome than anyone else, no? Listed below are the top 7 holidays that you should definitely not be sick, taken, or sober:

1. Bay To Breakers [Spring]
The one day where SF lets it all hang out and then some. Barechested ladies, freeballin fellas and more booze than you can shake a stick at, this is the day where the goggles come on [and stay on] for the next week. You may get laid, but don’t say we didn’t warn ya!

2. Folsom Street Fair [Fall]
Leather daddies and lovely dominatrixes come out to play once a year, and its not for the faint of heart. Despite the fact that you should wear close toed shoes to this event, most transactions are silent looks, nods, winks and grabs for attention. Plus, anywhere a dude can stroke it in public and still get laid is pretty much a win-win. Just watch out for that spanking booth those bitches will keep you wimpering the day after every single time.

3. Pride [Summer]
Whether you’re prowlin’ or supportin’, opportunities to get your rocks off with the perfect stranger are many to be had. Just be aware that your romp may include more than one, and may not be so private. Pink Saturday, anyone?

4. Santacon [Winter]
There’s nothing worse than getting hit on by an old dude with a…wait, hang on! ITS A COSTUME! HALLELUJAH! You can finally thank Mr. Claus for all those toys under the tree when you were a kid.

Photo from

5. Stu’s Pub Crawl
It gets bigger and bigger every year, the company is to your tailoring [broke!], the bars are for your budget [cheap!] and our main man is the maestro leading a drunk motley crew all over the city [ideal!]. Clear your calendars for the next day — the person you end up with may just be your new broke-ass partner in crime!  And yes, that is the amazing Richie Cunning in the below photo.

Sign up for our mailing list so you can be on the nest pub crawl. These sell out fast.

6. Friday Night at Delirium
Is it just me, or does the crowd here get so young and babyfaced you’re not sure if the doorman is running some secret sting operation? There are enough party favors in this place to bring Fleetwood Mac out of hiding and there are cheap enough drinks to ensure you won’t remember your score’s name. Just be sure to protect yourself — the young and restless may not be getting tested as often as they should.

7. Any nice day at Dolores Park
Are you noticing a pattern here at all [meaning Dolores Park making every list]? You have everything you need — great weather, some booze, good friends, a blanket and an excuse to say “fuck it.”

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Monica Miller - The Intern

Monica Miller - The Intern

Ms. Miller was born in San Diego, CA to one lesbian mother and one
righteous, cheap father. Currently, she is enrolled at San Francisco
State University for a B.A. in Journalism and the approximate
completion date is around 2015. She has worked for many papers in the
Bay Area, including the Oakland Tribune and the San Mateo Country
Times and is currently the city editor at one of the most
underappreciated publications in SF, the Golden Gate [X]press. Though
she may find bargains aplenty, it only stems from the necessity of
never landing an actual job and working for hacks [like Stuart.] With
intelligence, style, poise, bite, and honesty, she will rip your heart
out; but not before writing some awesome, poignant shit. This year,
she is looking forward to bigger and better things such as: trying to
get paid for a gig, actually finding a date that isn't a loser or
fucking crazy, not calling her parents when hungover and bringing you
the best of the 7x7 everyday of the week. [By the way, I wasn't
kidding about the date thing; if you love food, booze and shoegaze,
get at me.]