FREE and Low-Cost Healthcare in San Francisco!

Stuart is not a doctor but he plays one on the Internet

Where can you find the best FREE and low-cost healthcare in the City?

Zeitgeist: The perfect place to go if your medical condition involves an abnormally low blood-alcohol level.

Healthy San Francisco: For every other medical condition, try Healthy San Francisco, Gavin Newsom’s baby, the quote-unquote innovative health access program that, HOLY FUCK, is actually innovative. I had no idea politicians could possibly enact change. Like, I mean, really do it. Not just, you know, talk about it and get in pissing matches with the other team.

Healthy San Francisco is FREE and low-cost healthcare open to all San Francisco residents who have been uninsured for at least 90 days, make less than $54,150/year'”which holds true for basically all you fuckers, I bet'”and who are ineligible for other programs like Med-Cal or Healthy Families. I have no idea what the fuck those things are. I don’t have a family. All I’ve got is a dog. And he doesn’t even like me. Just kidding. Lazer fucking loves me. If you try to pet Lazer, though, he’ll fuck you up, which really isn’t all that big of a deal because you can get FREE and low-cost healthcare from Healthy San Francisco. If you qualify.

Oh, you’ve also gotta be between the ages of 18-64. Apparently 65-year-olds can fuck off and die, as far as San Francisco is concerned. Who knows. Fine print isn’t my speciality. But I do know a thing or two about Healthy San Francisco. Like the fact that you can get MAJOR FUCKING SURGERY for $100 (or potentially $0 or at most $200). You know how much surgery would cost if you had private insurance? Or no insurance at all? Neither do I but I bet it’s more than your average weekend bar tab.

[BTW if your average weekend bar tab is $100 you’re either a sucker or an alcoholic.]

It’s not just for surgery, though. It’s for regular everyday doctor blah blah blah also. Like medications. And, um, prescription medications can be free also. The specifics depend on where exactly you fall on the sliding scale but do yourself a favor and learn more about one of the awesome things our mayor has done for San Francisco. Who knows. Maybe it’s the only awesome thing Gavin Newsom has done? I don’t really follow politics. I’m too busy judging people with $100 bar tabs.