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Two Forties and a Ferry: A Broke-Ass Booze Cruise

Updated: Apr 03, 2016 12:54
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The other day, my good friend from the Azores asked me if I was proud to be an American. Of course, my initial reaction was “absolutely not” but then I got to thinking and that’s when I realized what being an American is really about: Getting drunk on a boat.

You’ve just asked out that person you’ve been lurking on Facebook for close to two weeks. Unfortunately for you, they said yes. Now you’re stuck with the task of coming up with a good date idea. When coming up with your plan, ask yourself, “What could make someone feel really special and sad at the same time?”

Naturally, there is always the option of chartering a yacht and drinking fine champagne, but you just remembered you’re broke. Well, my friend, you’ve come to the right place. I’ve never been on a yacht and I consider any bottle of Two Buck Chuck a fine beverage, but I’m here to offer a sturdy alternative.

Luckily for us, my friend God invented a little something I like to call the Larkspur Ferry. Granted, it’s not a yacht and the closest thing to champagne is the color of the stain on that creepy-ass baby’s shirt (who is staring you in the eye like it knows your deepest secret); however, babies are still cute and that’s what this post is really about.

A round trip ticket costs $21, and it will be the best weekly grocery money you’ve ever spent. Before you start your typical regimen for first dates, put down that flask. There’s one more vital detail: this ferry ride is alcohol friendly. They sell a small variety of beer and wine on the boat. Prices are a little steep, so if you like to pay your rent on time I’d suggest making it a bring-your-own-booze-cruise. It’s worth it to be with a babe seeing all of the beauty the bay has to offer. And the best part is if they end up being totally lame, you can start talking about your doll collection and they have nowhere to escape.

Larkspur Ferry
San Francisco Ferry Bulding
1 Ferry Building near Market St.
(415) 983-8000

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Ryan Miller- Depleted Resource Analyst

Ryan Miller- Depleted Resource Analyst

Ryan Miller was raised in a small, quaint village named Portland, Oregon before spontaneously packing two suitcases, scrounging up $300 and catching a flight to San Francisco. Judging from his garbage, he is a connoisseur of Sun Chips and rather inexpensive wine. His personal goals are to refrain from hailing and accepting rides in random cars as well as greatly reduce the amount of hugs he provides for the homeless community. While touring Jamaica and prompted for his opinion on the prevalence of TB in third world countries, Miller eagerly asked, "They have Taco Bell here?"

1 Comment

  1. Elan Gaite
    August 5, 2009 at 5:29 pm

    I think baby needs a forty.