15 Promiscuous Pokemon You’ll Catch More Than Points From

As our nation has been gripped by Pokémon Go it’s important to know who you are trying to capture. Some will be easier…..waaaaay easier. And honestly, who could be shocked when the face of the franchise has a name that’s a voyeur’s dream: Pikachu. I mean, come on?! Here are the 15 sluttiest Pokemon, catch them at your discretion. You’ll probably need a strong hand sanitizer after.

1. Smoochum

This Pokémon is one collagen injection away from Goldie Hawn in The First Wives Club. Actually, she is amorous enough to actually be her character, Elise Elliot. And when she evolves it’s into Jynx who looks like a glorious drag queen, equally as saucy.

2. Ninetales

Zero ambiguity on this name. Ninetales is a foxy dominatrix. Proceed with extreme caution…..unless you are into that sort of thing, then whip your heart out.

3. Weedle

A hairy bug that writhes around and has a large horn on its head; Weedle wants to deedle! And the big red nose leads one to believe they smell more than leaves in the forest. Also, bears a striking resemblance to anal beads.

4. Diglette 

Hobbies of a Diglette include burrowing in the ground and leaving its head exposed. This makes them the dick pics of Pokémon Go. Not shocking though it’s weakness is ice water.

5. Bellsprout 

A flexible flower who’s mouth is always open. Said to resemble a pitcher plant but I’d say it’s more of a catcher.

6. Shellder

While it’s sleeping, Shellder closes its shell but leaves its tongue hanging out. They might as well just hang an Open for Business sign. It’s always business time for Shellder.

7. Cubone

There’s some weird Norman Bates stuff going with Cubone because he wears the skull of his dead mom. That’s next level perverted. Not to mention that they just wack you with their bone while crying very loudly.  That sounds strangely close to college experiences!

8. Staryu

Staryus are most active at night and often shine a red light. Less Pokémon more Working Girl. Has the ability to squirt powerful blasts of water but I think that costs extra.

9. Chinchou 

Easily confused after expelling large doses of ‘energy’, the teenage boy of the PokéWorld. 

10. Sudowoodo

A dancing piece of wood who waves ball shaped appendages around. Is that a Sudowoodo in your pokéball, or are you just happy to see me?

11. Bidoof

Able to hold several sticks in its mouth at once but looks delightful while doing so. That’s a subcategory on Porn Hub right?

12. Lilligant

These gourds leave nothing to the imagination and their seductive dancing says, “Lilly in the streets, Belladonna in the sheets.” She’s down to plant some bulbs.

13. Diancie

A fairy that wears a dress that’s opaque making Diancie, “The Jewel of Exhibitionism.”

14. Pumpkaboo

This is a pumpkin that literally flashes you! They also list their talents as frisking and pick-ups. I don’t want to remember Halloween!

15. Omanyte

They lure you in with their big cute eyes but then can’t keep their 10 tentacles off of you. Show us on the Pikachu where the bad Omanyte touched you.