10 Best Drunk Foods in NYC
By: Jonas Barnes
New York City is the city that never sleeps. It passes out all the time and pisses itself but it rarely sleeps.
Whatever your bar kink may be, NYC has a place to get your fix. This city drinks like no other and, unless you’ve lived here, it’s hard to explain just how much these people really do drink. And with drinking comes the drunk munchies! And what better writer to countdown the 10 Best Drunk Munchies in NYC than a fat, alcoholic comedian? That’s me. I’m that fat, alcoholic comedian and I’m counting this down for you.
10: The Famous $1 Slices
There are so many $1 Slice Pizza joints around NYC that it would be impossible to name them all. But I have a secret for you: They are all really shitty if you aren’t drunk. Even 2 Brothers is mediocre at best. But you better bet your ass that a crispy, greasy, cheesy $1 slice is amazing after a whiskey bender. It’s a classic.
9: Halal Trucks
Yet another late night staple of NYC are all night halal trucks serving various meats over rice or salad or the famous street Gyro. Drunks love this shit. Halal vendors love drunks because they get to charge them whatever they want. Your guts, however, may not love late night halal trucks. The insider info is that the later the night gets, the shittier the food is. Avoid Times Square halal trucks at all costs. This one rules only for the sheer volume of them everywhere.
8: Shake Shack
Shake Shack is the “In-N-Out” for NYC locals, to the point that I’m pretty sure there is a burger-fueled blood feud between the coasts. Shake Shack is good yet expensive and often has a ridiculous line. It’s a staple but it isn’t the most convenient. Also, the portions are shit.
7: White Castle
White Castle is fucking gross. But if you’re drunk, they’re the best hangover prevention around. Knock down a handful of these little sliders of garbage and you’ll kill that hangover in the AM. May still shit yourself though, so be warned.
6: Papaya King
Avoid street vendor hot dogs at all costs. It’s called dirty hot dog water for a reason. If you must get a dog on the street, go for the carts that flat top grill those tubes of gross. If you get the chance, hit up the various “Papaya King” franchise joints around the city for a higher quality dog. NEVER 7/11 dogs. Like Meth, “not even once”.
5: Bar Grub
There are a lot of bars that, if you search hard enough, give you free food with your drinks. It’s amazing. actually. Ruby’s in Hell’s Kitchen gives you hot dogs with your drink purchases. The Crocodile Lounge bars all give you a free personal pizza with your drinks. Free grub is always great when you drain the ATM on drinks and they’re usually packed with carbs & greasy to soak up all that poison you just drank. Here’s a list Stuart made of 10 places that do free food.
4: Taco Trucks
This is mostly in Brooklyn and Queens, but if you stumble upon some taco truck in NYC, there is a strong chance they’re solid eats. NYC is not, in any way, known for having good street tacos. That’s a west coast thing. But the ones that are good are very, very good. You pay NYC prices but you also get NYC quality most of the time. Look for the ones with Hispanics cooking the food. I’m not even being racist here, they are truly the best ones. To hell with your feelings, you’re drunk.
3: 24 Hour Diners
Oh NYC, you magnificent time capsule. I love your diners. They’re everywhere and they’re always open. The quality varies greatly but man…it’s hard to fuck up diner food. NYC succeeds in that with a few places, but I’ll tell you that most are great. Homestyle, hearty, greasy, gastrointestinal bombs of greatness exist in these places. Most have ridiculous desserts as well so you can’t really lose no matter what your taste buds are calling for.
Maybe NYC’s most famous 24-hour diners: Ellen’s Stardust Diner.
2: Kennedy/Crown Fried Chicken
NYC is famous for many things. Fried Chicken is not one of them. But you’d be surprised to know that there is a local chain called Kennedy Fried Chicken (aka Crown Fried Chicken) that is open super late, has many locations and serves very passable fried chicken. It’s not gourmet southern food but it’s a great change from the typical burgers, dogs & pizza and it beats the shit out of Popeye’s or KFC. Fried food is great for drunks anyway, so it’s hard to go wrong with these places. Usually pretty decent prices too.
1: The Bodega Sandwich
The bodega is another staple of NYC. They’re on every corner of every block. They vary greatly in both quality and the type of food. But when you’re drunk and you don’t want any of the fried, greasy, gut bomb food that we’ve talked about…a bodega is a godsend. You can get anything from a cheesesteak to a chicken parm, to breakfast, to special takes on dishes (a pho sandwich, for example). You can request off menu things, salads or really anything your heart desires as long as they have the ingredients to create it. Also, bodega workers have the patience of a monk because they deal with your drunk asses all the time. They rock, they’re local, they’re always open and they deserve your support.
There is your drunken food guide to NYC,…tourists.
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