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Trump to Hire Fyre Festival Staff to Promote/Build Border Wall

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“We’re going to get the models, and the sand, and build a beautiful wall in the desert…and Kanye is coming”
– President Trump on his new border wall campaign

trump fyre

A month into the government shutdown President Trump announced that the border wall between Mexico and USA was going to be built without the help of the US Congress.  “We don’t need Pelosi and Shumy to do this,” Trump said to reporters, “In fact, they aren’t invited to Fyre Wall Festival.”

According to a poll conducted by Pew Research Center this January, 58% of Americans continue to oppose expanding a border wall, which poses a problem for Trump’s agenda.  A Democratic majority in the House oppose funding the wall, and currently will not sign off on any budget that includes significant border wall expansion.  Meanwhile over 800,000 government workers have gone without pay since December 2018, due to Trump’s impasse.

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“We don’t need Congress to raise the $5.7 billion I need for my wall,” Trump told the press Wednesday, “I’ve spoken with my new friend Ja Rule, who has some amazing ideas on how we can raise that money without the US Government.  In fact, he insisted that we definitely leave the government out of our plans.”

Trump continued, “On April 28th, we’re going to build the Fyre Wall! We’re going to get the models, and the sand, and build a beautiful wall, and people are going to send us their money.”  Trump then paused as one of his staffers whispered in his ear, then he continued, “And Kanye is coming.”  They then showed the original Fyre Festival announcement video.

After the video finished, Trump said, “It’s going to be just like that, except outside Tijuana, and with luxury executive Wall packages, and they’re going to be huuuge, we have the best people working on this.” He continued, “we’ve set up a gofundme page where you can send us your money, it’s very exclusive.”  When questioned about the recently released documentaries about the Fyre Festival debacle, Trump called them ‘fake news’, and encouraged people to wait for new Fyre Wall announcements to be released exclusively on FoxNews in the coming weeks.

*this article is satire.

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Alex Mak - Managing Editor

Alex Mak - Managing Editor

I'm the managing editor here at Broke-Ass Stuart. I enjoy covering Bay Area News as well as writing about Arts, Culture & Nightlife.

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