AdviceNew ShitReviewsSan FranciscoSelf CareSF HistoryTravel Writings

SF Neighborhoods & Their Zodiac Signs

The Bay's best newsletter for underground events & news

San Francisco is 49 square miles of unique neighborhoods and beautiful natural environments, each with their own histories, personalities and characteristics.

I started my writing career in SF by creating a written guide to the city, and I’ve been exploring its streets and history nonstop ever since.  We consulted with a professional Astrologist and used our knowledge of the city to create this fun guide to SF Neighborhoods & Their Zodiac Signs.

Aries: The Presidio

Aries need to be active and love to explore. They are wild, yet organized, and get a thrill out of physical challenges, which is why The Presidio is the ultimate Aries.

With it’s beautiful hiking paths and regimented history, The Presidio is both full of adventure and headstrong. From former military housing to fog ensconced trees and wildlife, The Presidio is energetic while also being perfectly comfortable all alone.


Taurus: Pacific Heights

Taureans are legendary for their stubbornness, but they’re of course more complex than that. They are also into beauty and artistry, and have an immense love of luxury and comfort. So it only makes sense that the San Francisco neighborhood most like a Taurus is Pacific Heights. 

Steeped in old money and gaudy mansions, Pacific Heights is also stuck in it’s old ways. But that doesn’t stop the people who live there from supporting the arts. The folks living in the lap of luxury also support San Francisco institutions like the Opera, The de Young Museum, and even MoMa (for the real edgy ones).


Gemini: The Mission

It often feels like Geminis have two personalities, which is exactly why The Mission is one. Despite being only a block apart, The Mission’s two main thoroughfares, Valencia Street and Mission Street, feel like they are in different cities. 

The Mission has also been deeply in flux for the past 20 years as the predominantly Latino family neighborhood has filled up with young artists, then yuppies, then techies. But Gemini are quick to adapt and the neighborhood has been able to maintain it’s love of art and culture while also learning how to best absorb the drastic changes

Have you ever had your own astrology reading? Keen has a special, a live 10 minute reading for only $1.99.

Cancer: The Richmond

Cancers are homebodies, and since so many folks who live in The Richmond are perfectly content never leaving the neighborhood, this district is most assuredly our crustacean friend.

With it’s deep fog and devotion to local neighborhood businesses, The Richmond acts just like every other moody yet loyal Cancer. It’s got a hard shell exterior but a sensitive interior, and once you get to know the neighborhood, it’s impossible not to love it.

Leo: The Marina

Leos are arrogant and self-centered, yet warm-hearted and fun. If this was high school, they’d be the good looking, popular kids, so it only makes sense that The Marina is a Leo.

Leos like to be admired and they are enamored with bright colors and expensive things. The Marina, with its proximity to the shimmering water and expensive rent is all of this. Leo’s love their “king of the jungle” status which is one of the many things drunkenly roared about while people play beer pong at Bar None.


Virgo: South Beach

Virgos are the computer programmers of the zodiac. Quietly hacking away in the background they can often be overlooked by everyone else.

Given South Beach’s role in The Bay Area’s tech scene, and the fact that most people don’t even really know where South Beach actually is, it’s the ultimate Virgo. All work and no play sure makes you rich, but it also makes it so no one gets to hang out with you.

Libra: Civic Center

Fair-minded and on a constant chase for justice and equality Civic Center is undoubtedly a Libra. San Francisco City Hall is the center of this neighborhood and inside its walls our elected officials do their best to balance the scales of justice.

Libras also need to be surrounded by art, music, books, and other beautiful things, which is perfect since the Civic Center is home to The SF Symphony, The Opera, The SF Jazz Center, The Asian Art Museum, the main branch of the SF Public Library, and more. It doesn’t get any more Libra than this.


Scorpio: The Tenderloin

Passionate and assertive, Scorpios tend to be resourceful survivors, which is the best way anyone can describe The Tenderloin. As you walk through the neighborhood you can tell that it’s expressing any emotion that it’s feeling – just like all Scorpios, The Tenderloin doesn’t pull punches.

But it will keep your secrets! Everyone in the TL has some kind of secret and being that the district is a Scorpio, it will never rat you out. The Tenderloin is brave partly because it has to be and partly because well, it’s a Scorpio.


Sagittarius: North Beach

Outgoing, playful, and idealistic, North Beach is the quintessential Sagittarius. What other neighborhood can you find so many strange, old school bars full of delightful characters to talk to?

Sagittarius also has the biggest sense of wanderlust in the zodiac. This makes sense considering that North Beach is by far San Francisco’s most European feeling neighborhood. And because of this you can often meet people from all over the world just by sitting down on a barstool or stepping inside City Lights Books.

Capricorn: Mid-Market

Restrained and responsible Capricorns thrive under discipline and professionalism. Since so many of the world’s biggest tech companies, like Twitter and Uber, are in Mid-Market, the neighborhood is a dead ringer for Capricorn.

Capricorns are pragmatic and can make the most out of the material world, just like the tech billionaires who run their companies in Mid-Market. But they also have a hard time adjusting to the world around them. Capricorns can be unforgiving and condescending which might explain why the people who are making vast fortunes in their Mid-Market businesses aren’t doing their part to make San Francisco a better place.

Aquarius: Upper Haight

Well, of course the Upper Haight is going to be an Aquarius. Sure, it may be a little on the nose considering that The Haight became “The Haight” at the dawning of the Age of Aquarius, but there’s a reason for that.

Aquarius are progressive, independent thinkers, who are humanitarians at their core. Look past the tie-dye and love beads adorning Haight Street businesses and focus on the fact that so much of what made San Francisco a hotbed of activism started right here at Haight and Ashbury


Pisces: Baker Beach

As Pisces have such a love of water and so thoroughly embrace all the pleasures in life, Baker Beach is an obvious choice for our most fishy astrological sign.

Just like a Pisces, Baker Beach accepts you no matter who or what you are…just ask all the nude sunbathers. Pisces embrace all manner of people and revel in having diverse friends, which is perfect because, on a sunny day, every imaginable kind of San Franciscan can be found at Baker Beach.

This post was made possible by the astrological experts at, if you’re looking for your own spiritual guidance, Horoscope or astrological readings check them out here!

Previous post

Food Delivery Robot Fired for Racist Tweets

Next post

6 Things You Can Actually Do to Help If You Care About the Amazon Forest

Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap

Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap

Stuart Schuffman, aka Broke-Ass Stuart, is a travel writer, poet, TV host, activist, and general shit-stirrer. His website is one of the most influential arts & culture sites in the San Francisco Bay Area and his freelance writing has been featured in Lonely Planet, Conde Nast Traveler, The Bold Italic, and too many other outlets to remember. His weekly column, Broke-Ass City, appears every other Thursday in the San Francisco Examiner. Stuart’s writing has been translated into four languages. In 2011 Stuart created and hosted the travel show Young, Broke, and Beautiful on IFC and in 2015 he ran for Mayor of San Francisco and got nearly 20k votes.

He's been called "an Underground legend": SF Chronicle, "an SF cult hero":SF Bay Guardian, and "the chief of cheap": Time Out New York.