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A Huge List of Things To Do If Your Friends Are At Burning Man

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Image: Burning Man backdrop by HawaiiSavvy via Flickr, Cable Car by RunnerAlan via Flickr, Ferry Building via WikiMedia Commons

Burning Man is going on and you’re not going. But don’t trip! Turns out nightclubs are still having club nights, stores are open regular hours and tons of wack events are scheduled in the Bay Area from August 28 – September 5. The Broke-Ass Borg has your itinerary covered with this handy list of things to do if your friends are at Burning Man, so you don’t get the FOMO while those mofos are out partying on the playa.

We’ve listed each week-of-Burning Man 2016 event chronologically by date below, with a whole bunch of Bay Area options for every day you’re not out on the playa. But if we missed any good ones, burn us on it in the comments below! We’ll radically include new suggestions as the week goes on.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 28

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Image: rodricg via Flickr

Treasure Island Flea Market Dog Wedding

The most interestingly named event all week, the Treasure Island Flea Market Dog Wedding is a weekend-long dog rager and yes they will be marrying dogs to one another, holding a doggie bar crawl and serving up Salty Dogs.

The Wizard Of Oz at The Castro

KUSF Rock’n‘Swap

Red Hots Burlesque Matinee

Merry Jane Presents Snoop Dogg & Wiz Khalifa: The High Road Tour

Bluegrass And Beyond at Milk Bar

Kamau Bell: Workin’ it Out

Thee Parkside Presents: Original Famous Twang Sundays feat. Beau Wiley, Angelica Rockne, The Ugly

 

MONDAY, AUGUST 29

dnahubba

Hubba Hubba Revue: Dreamy Queens vs. Burlesque Beauties

The DNA Lounge holds court for another raucous Monday night Hubba Hubba Revue, this night a “Drag Queens vs. Burlesque” theme featuring Sophilya Leggz, Bobby Ashton, Ariyana LaFey, Lady Satan, Pearl E. Gates, Joie de Vivre, Ophelia Coeur de Noir and Alexa Von Kickinface.

Dave Mathews Band at The Greek

X, Mike Watt + The Secondmen at Mystic Theatre

“Bring In Your Favorite Vinyl” 4:20pm Record Party!

98 Degrees, O-Town, Dream, Ryan Cabrera

The State of Cocktails: East Bay Addition

Lost and Found Beatles

TUESDAY, AUGUST 30

trivianight

Trivia Night at SoMa StrEat Food Park

The most delicious and generous competitive Bay Area weekly trivia night is at SoMa StrEat Food Park, where a Brainstormer trivia event pays big dividends for smarty-pants competitors who can win plenty of food and drinks at the myriad adjacent  food trucks.

Four Barrel’s 8th Anniversary

Some Like It Hot at the Top of the Mark

Planet Of The Apes (1968) at Alamo Drafthouse

The Breakaway! Swing Dance Tuesday

Doc’s Lab Presents Literary Pop!: Wonder Dave, Danny Thanh Nguyen, Amy Stephenson & more

UKSUS: A chamber opera by Erling Wold at the Oakland Metro Operahouse

Dance Karaoke with DJ Purple

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 31

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Image: Jonny Silvercloud via Flickr

Drink & Draw at the New Parkway

It’s a free artists’ drink & draw every Wednesday at The New Parkway Theater in Oakland, or you could also theoretically watch The Lobster or Joshy.

Yes at the Mountain Winery

Government Mule at the Somo Village Event Center

PianoFight Presents: Harry Potter and the Hella Magical Super Dope Summer Shindig

Sucker Crush at Milk Bar

Julia Holter and White Magic at The Chapel

Koret Discover Jazz Course: Brazilian Roots

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 1

HellaSingle: SF’s Only Comedy Show & Singles Mixer

Single? Don’t get Urk’ed, get some action! San Francisco’s only comedy show and dating mixer for singles hooks you up at Milk Bar with world-class comedians, the chance to meet the love of your life and DJ Josef spinning your favorite 90s and RnB Jams until 2 a.m.

No Scrubs: A 90s Tribute Dance Party

Off the Grid: Presidio Twilight

Recipes and Techniques for Cooking Deer, Elk, Moose, Antelope and Other Antlered Things

Suggestivism: Resonance

Christian Schwarz presents Mushrooms of the Redwood Coast

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 2

Red Hots Burlesque Modern Circus & Cabaret

You got 3 hot chances to catch the babe-alicious, boob-alicious Red Hots Burlesque during this week of Burning Man, including this Friday night show at The Stud and both Sunday afternoons (8/28 and 9/4) at PianoFight.

San Francisco Comic Con

LATRICE ROYALE – Here’s To Life

Orishas at Mezzanine

Fat Fury, Fat Love: Claiming Fat Space in Activist Communities

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 3

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LATRICE ROYALE – Here’s To Life

RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 4 star Latrice Royal belts out her acclaimed one-woman show Here’s To Life all weekend long at the Verdi Club in a Peaches Christ production.

SF Mime Troupe Schooled at Golden Gate Park

San Francisco Comic Con

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 4

POLESEXUAL-BLACK

POLESEXUAL at The Stud

Whoa, there is now a weekly, all-gender pole-dancing club night at The Stud? There is, it’s called Polesexual, and it features pole-dancing, drag and hoop-dancing hosted by Dakota Pendent & Florence Frightengale.

Booty Burn

SF Mime Troupe Schooled at Dolores Park

San Francisco Comic Con

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 5

mimetroupe

Image via SF Mime Troupe

SF Mime Troupe Schooled at Dolores Park

The San Francisco Mime Troupe has been performing their hilarious outdoor free shows for 57 years, and their new show Schooled is their latest satirical romp.

Elle Rio’s Calico Queens Labor Day Party (formerly Cowgirl Palooza)

Hiero Day

 

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Joe Kukura is a two-bit marketing writer who excels at the homoerotic double-entendre. He is training to run a full marathon completely drunk and high, and his work has appeared in the New York Times and Wall Street Journal on days when their editors made particularly curious decisions.