satire
Federal Judge Orders Trump to Untie Screaming Damsel From Train Tracks
A judge rejected the President’s argument that he was immune from “meddling do-gooders.” Monday, Oct 7 2019 – A federal Judge on Monday rejected a bold argument from President Trump that sitting Presidents are immune from investigations into their “dastardly deeds.” Now, in addition to allowing the Manhattan District Attorney’s
Neighbors Install Homicidal Robots, Rusty Bear Traps to Deter Homeless
Inspired by the placement of two dozen boulders along both sides of Clinton Park, a quiet side street in the Mission, residents of nearby Landers Street have banded together to deter the presence of homeless encampments by placing a series of killer robots and rusty bear traps at irregular intervals.
The November 2024 BAS Voter Guide
A Big Change to This Year’s Voter Guide We’ve been doing voter guides for a really long time. I’m pretty sure we put our first one out in like 2010 or something. And I know that thousands of you rely on our voter guides to help you make decision. But
Global Warming Causes Electrical Fan Use to Increase by 9000% in San Francisco
In 1970 the average low for San Francisco was a little over 53 degrees across summer months. By 2018, that figure was up to a little over 56 degrees. “56 degrees at night in San Francisco is already untenable,” said a local San Franciscan, “But 80 degrees?! We’re not equipped
E-cigarette Executive Claims Only Side-Effect of ‘Vaping’ is looking like a ‘Douche bag’
“we did extensive testing, and the only measurable side effect of vaping, was a significant increase of douche levels in individuals.”
Trump Hotel to Open at Burning Man
Great news for luxury festivalgoers this year at Burning Man, the newest, hottest glamping experience on the playa is at Trump Hotel Black Rock City. With the most exceptional views the playa has to offer, Trump International Burning Man Hotel & Putting Green is a sophisticated, exclusive, immersive experience that
All Debate Candidates Receive ‘Participation Trophy’ from Chuck Todd
The first of two Democratic Presidential Candidate Debates were held in Miami Wednesday evening. Ten presidential hopefuls covered everything from healthcare reform to the economy in various, 30-second soundbites. At center stage stood Sen. Elizabeth Warren of Massachusetts, she was the highest polling candidate of the evening and NBC moderators
Fast Food Chain Promises ‘Meatless Burger’ Will Still Cause Diarrhea
The famed ‘meatless’ burger has passed the testing stage and is now making its way into major fast food chains across America. Fast Food CEO and spokesperson Randy Hambuckler, reassured the press this week that, “although the meatless burger does not contain the fast food meat you’ve come to love,
SF Woman is Completely Out of Hot Weather Clothes 4 days into Heat Wave
After several consecutive days of extremely hot weather aka heat wave in San Francisco, many SF residents are finding themselves completely out of warm weather outfits. “One or two hot days are fine, great even, but four days in a row!?” Exclaimed SF resident Sara MacDougal, “The only clothing options