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FiveThirtyEight Poll Confirms Hillary Clinton Is Antichrist

Updated: Jul 24, 2019 14:22
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Image: FiveThirthyEight Polls-plus forecast, October 3, 2016

GUEST POST By:  Satan, Prince Of Darkness

Puny humans! My Antichrist is revealed in a recent FiveThirtyEight “polls-plus” forecast. As you can plainly see above from a recent FiveThirtyEight forecast, My great false messiah is revealed to be your Democratic Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton, thus ensuring her complete victory over competing false prophet Donald Trump and ushering in My permanent new society of recreational marijuana, homosexual agenda and hydraulic fracking.

Hi. I’m Satan, Prince of Darkness and deceiver who leads humanity astray. I have seen fit to deliver Secretary Clinton to you as My personal and chosen Antichrist. Many of you puny human fools had surmised that Barack Obama was the Antichrist, which was entirely incorrect. And actually a little bit racist too, you ought to look in the mirror and ask yourself why you thought that.

Image: FiveThirtyEight Polls-plus forecast, October 13, 9 a.m. PDT

Image: FiveThirtyEight Polls-plus forecast, October 13, 9 a.m. PDT

The “Chance of Winning 66.6%” poll is now nearly ten days old, and the race has since shifted sharply in favor of My Antichrist, Ms. Clinton. But My announcement, spotted on Twitter on October 3 by Defining Marriage author Matt Baume, should be considered the One True Declaration of Hillary Clinton as My Antichrist.
Yet I do not fully trust this human Nate Silver and his “electoral projections”. He is purposefully deceptive with this clever use of conflicting Polls-plus, Polls-only and Now-cast projections. With this deception — which I admire — he is able to seduce you humans with differing statistical results that simply reinforce whichever result you prefer to believe. While this deception pleases Me, it also has obfuscated My announcement of the Antichrist with differing poll results.


The opponents of My Antichrist are beginning to suspect Her true identity and the total defeat that awaits them at Her hands. In Sunday night’s debate, Donald Trump referred to Ms. Clinton as “the devil”. Complete fucking moron Alex Jones recently observed Ms. Clinton was an “abject, psychopathic, demon from Hell that as soon as she gets into power is going to try to destroy the planet”, and further noted that “I was told by people around her that they think she’s demon-possessed.”

These fools do not even have two undergraduate theology credits to rub together! Let alone a basic mastery of the English language they claim to love. They do not understand that My chosen Antichrist reveals Herself through complex predictive polling models, not flies or smells.

So please do vote for my Antichrist Hillary Clinton on November 8. You know which candidate running for president is running with the devil.



love satan

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Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura is a two-bit marketing writer who excels at the homoerotic double-entendre. He is training to run a full marathon completely drunk and high, and his work has appeared in the New York Times and Wall Street Journal on days when their editors made particularly curious decisions.